Raising Children

© 06-08 Born-Again-Christian.info

Train a child in the way to go

Topic: It is a fine balance for Christian parents raising children. You want to lead them to Christ as soon as possible to protect them from this wicked world, but need to avoid peer-pressure spoiling their born again experience.

Share your tips and advice on what you've learned in leading your kids to Christ, with some practical examples to help new parents.

What have you learned?

Keep it brief and biblical and we'll publish the best responses. Give us a name to go with your post.

We may edit for spelling and brevity. Privacy Statement. Disclaimer: Comments by contributors do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Born-Again-Christian.Info

Adrian
My son (22), says he's a Christian, and lives at home, however he spends a lot of time with non-Christians. He claims he doesn't compromise during his time spent with them. I don't believe him, because I know what the Scripture says about this.

My problem is how to relate to his friends. I always appear a little disinterested when I see them because I know my son's focus is not on evangelism, but fun. I have told him to loose his friends, get serious about the Lord, and then go back to the ones God reveals to him to evangelise. He doesn't do this. I think I should ask him to leave if he won't comply, what do you think?

Colin replies
You are right Adrian, and much more mature than your son, but try to recall how dense you were at his age. He's at a crucial stage of his spiritual development. The primary characteristic he needs to see in you, is the Love of Jesus Christ for him. Forcing him out because he won't do what you say, is not how Jesus loves you is it?

You are experiencing the pain God felt when He saw you in sin, and going away from Him. How did He win your heart, despite His anguish?

Your passion and greatest fun is in soul-winning, I salute you, but it must be from love, not out of a religious sense of duty, otherwise it will be a complete waste of time.

Look at the Jay Dubs and Mormons chewing nails, putting in their hours, man that's the devil's treadmill.

What we have is infinitely better, when we deliver the message of Christ in Love, we have The Truth anointed by the Holy Spirit.

Give your son room, time to grow, and even let him make mistakes. Set an example of love and genuine fellowship with the Father as you are about His Business. Confide in your son, let him know your struggles, he will respect you more, not less. By all means warn him of his folly, but remain his friend, don't become a dictator.

Ask the Lord to show you how to help your son win his friends to Christ. Find a common interest; such as motorbikes, and build a chopper together, take them all camping, fishing, sailing, parachuting, or hang-gliding. Get closer to them, love them from your heart, and shine like a star, they'll see something special in you, and get hungry. Freshly baked bread doesn't need to be advertised, just let the aroma out, and they'll soon be queuing for it.

Push him away, and you'll lose him to the Devil. Love him to the Lover.

Brent
If you can afford it, send them to a genuine Christian School where they won't be force-fed worldly values and nonsense like evolution. It can be expensive, but it's an investment you won't regret.

You need to check out their beliefs and curriculum first though because many are not Christian at all, such as the ones Catholics run.

Raju
My father was a firm disciplinarian. He made a rota of daily chores for my brothers and sisters according to our ages. If we hadn't fulfilled our daily duties we were fed half-rations. If we did more than was asked we were given special treats, as a reward. When we were naughty, he would spank us in front of the family explaining why we were being punished.

Reflect Christ
Make Jesus attractive to your kids by accurately representing His character to them. Being joyful is a big factor, as kids don't want to follow a God who is angry or legalistic. Our Lord isn't like that, so remember that your kids get ideas about what He's like by watching you.

Saturate their environment with the things of God, such as joy, the Word, prayer, praise, mercy, worship, etc.

When you sense that they're ready, lead them in the sinner's prayer. (Sometimes they'll even be the ones to bring it up.)

The harder part is maintaining against the forces of peer-pressure and ungodliness in the public schools. My family chose to home-school, at least for a time, until our children have developed a firmer foundation in Christ. They still interact with many groups of people, most of whom are unsaved. The difference is that we can address things from a Biblical perspective, whereas a classroom teacher or peer group probably wouldn't.

Trash the trash
I let the Lord lead and direct me on how to handle my children.

I had a situation to deal with two weeks ago.

I rededicated my life back to the Lord on Christmas 2005, and I stopped listening to the HipHop, R&B, and Rap music that I was listening all the time.

The thing was, that I allowed my 11 year old son continue to listen to his music. So for all these months he had been still listening to the sinful music of this world. Until the Lord really started dealing with me about it about two months ago.

He spoke to me and said if that music is not for your ears then it definitely shouldn't be for your sons ears.

But I put it off, and put it off, until the Word of God came to me again in a message from the pastor of my church. So I knew it was time to talk to my son and let him know how I felt about the situation.

I told him, and praise be to God, he got up threw all his CD's away erased all his music from his MP3 player, and the next day after school he put nothing but Christian music on his MP3 player.

So my main point is; Our obedience is the priority in life, and if our children see us being obedient then they will most likely be obedient to us as parents.

Wade H
To say Rap music is bad is like saying, 'science is bad', in that the assumption is, that if a few people most notable in the field are sending out messages that are anti-Christian, then all of the scientists are evil.

There are many excellent Christian Hip-Hop artists who are not making hardly any money, because they are not supported in the world, because they speak a Christian message. And not in the Church, because Church culture tends not to really focus on youth culture musically, and often is 10-200 years behind in music styles.

Our children should not be sheltered from Hip Hop (few people who know anything about it really call it Rap by the way) - the parents should learn to listen to it with their Children eliminating the evil corroding music and seeking the positive music.

This allows our children to not be 'weird', but to carry music they can show their non-Christian friends as a witness, and use what their friends already have (interest in Hip Hop) to get the message across.

I wonder where more people are in need of salvation:
at a Church or at a Hip Hop concert

Don't try to eliminate it, they will still hear it. Try to help them seek the positive, and focus on using it to witness to others.

Girl for God
What the church doesn't know is that HipHop is not music. HipHop is actually a religion! But the disgusting cursing and Rap music is what they do in HipHop. HipHop is something that doesn't need to be in the mind of a child. When a child listens to 'the making's of HipHop' they are taking in junk such as: cursing, sex, drugs, violence, murder, crime, adultery, etc. Do you actually want your children to listen to this?

When they listen to this music, and take it in, they start wanting to sag their pants, grow dreadlocks, and all the latest fashions they see the HipHop artist wearing. These kids become imitators of the HipHop artist they see. And I've seen this music make them crazy, and allows demons to come into their lives. So get HipHop out of your house!

Dennis in Richmond
I think Christian Rap is a good ministry tool to regular non-Christian kids. If they like rap, give them a Christian theme, and go with it.

Rhonda
First teach them by example, and if you have the chance, even while they are still in the womb, speak the Word. Let them know at times when they mess up that God is there for them, and so are you. No matter what.

My kids see me saved, but their Dad backslid. They see me up, and they see me mad at the enemy. Satan can't have my family. What I'm saying is, let them see you have the love of God even when your flesh don't want to.

Nirmala
We are to lead them to Lord and let them receive Christ as personal Saviour. For that we are to live such a life that our children may see us, and live what we live. Even we grown-ups are challenged to live Christ-like life many times, so when they are mistaken, we are to correct them in the way the Lord would.

This kind of positive and corrective approach would certainly encourage them to live a Christ-centred life. After all, children learn from what we do, rather than what we say.

In world religions surely there are faith, kindness, norms to live a 'holy' life, but none of them explains about Salvation. So if we let them explore the truth of Godly presence themselves, and set an example of living according to the Lord's will, our children certainly would be witnesses as salt and light for children around them.

Oceanwaves
I had my only child at 42. When he was very young I took care of him and he never went to day-care or pre-school.

I home-schooled him for K, but had a hard time with it. We sent him to a Christian school for 1st - 5th so far. They offer financial aid based on need.

I would warn parents to be careful about video games - they are not evil in themselves, but are highly addictive, and hard to control.

Pray and ask God for understanding about each child - each is individual in temperament, gifts, etc. I usually explain 'why' to my child when I have to say 'no', or not allow things, or persons in his life.

We should put our children ahead of our own wants, career and ministry.

Colin
Good point Oceanwaves, computer games are one of Satan's main weapons for demonizing people. As illustrated by the spate of school slayings, and comments from 'our murdering maniacs in Iraq', who regard it as a video shoot-em-up. Haditha and Fallujah's war crimes are far from exceptional, as many troops have admitted.

Have to disagree with you saying we should, "put our children ahead of our... ministry". Jesus said that nothing, and no-one, should come between us and Him.

...anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Mtt. 10:37

In many parts of the world, simply to become a Christian means you have to be willing to give up everything, including your life. That's how it will be everywhere in the final days. Even what's left of the Gospel in the West will be banned.

Girl for God
Christian churches today use 'Christian' HipHop to 'reach the people'.

What are you doing when you reach them? You could give a weed-smoker some weed, but that doesn't mean it's helping him. In the Word of God the prophets and churches did not attract people by using music, throwing a few curse words in their message, trying to be be 'cool', and playing todays HipHop. They preached the truth of the Word of God, and were an example of what God wanted them to be: like Himself.

If you want to reach people, and trust in the Lord like all Christians should do, then preach the Word the way it is. Don't try to spice it up, and attract people, but attract people by the way you live: Which I hope is the Way of the Lord.

Rebecca
My tips for new parents, as I have a 3 year old, is to pray for your child everyday, for protection, and to pray with them everynight so they realise that it is a part of life as a Christian. Just like you talk to a person, help them to talk to Jesus about everything the whole day and everyday.

When they are naughty, pray with them to ask for the Lord to forgive them for doing the wrong thing. Sing Christian songs with them; I have found my daughter singing Christian songs in public shopping centres, and not bothering about others around her.

If you surround them with love, talking about Jesus, and people in the Bible, and praying about everything, they soon will see that Jesus is there for us even when we are scared or hurt.

My parent's did this when I was growing up, and I have been a Christian since I was young. I have been doing the same in my daughter's life for the last 3 years, and my husband has heard her say a prayer one night on her own "Jesus please forgive me" that is a priceless thing to hear. Praise the Lord!

Colin
Thank you, but I'd be very concerned about Rebecca's approach because it is more along the lines of indoctrination. Better to allow the child to grow, and when ready choose to repent and believe, or not. Do you want to hear them pray sincerely of their own volition after being genuinely born again, or simply from habit forced on them by peer pressure?

Oceanwaves replied
I did not mean we should put our children (or spouse) ahead of the Lord, Himself. What I meant was that we should put the welfare of our children above ministry.

Colin
Sorry Oceanwaves, Mtt. 10:37-39 still applies just the same. If you love your children more than Jesus you are not worthy of Him: He said so Himself. If His will for your life doesn't come first in everything, you will fall short of His plan for you.

If the first believers had answered, 'Sorry Lord, I can't go into all the world, I've got my kids to raise.' We would still be in our sins. Put Him first in everything, and Christ will ensure your kids get the very best.

Compromise, and you'll lose them to the world.

Donna
"A bishop then must be... one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?) 1 Tim. 3:2-5

Ministry is not just something 'out there' beyond the family. A man's children are, according to the Bible, the measure of whether he should be taking care of the church of God.

Colin wrote, 'Compromise, and you'll lose them to the world.'

That is true. There have been enough fathers who went out to save the world, who compromised their homes, and lost their children to the world.

Ministry needn't be either/or. A man can be discipling his children and training them to work with him as he ministers outside the home. William Booth's family is an example of that.

Colin
I'm certain dear Bill and Cate Booth would not have quibbled with, or distorted, what I wrote Donna, because they put Christ first in everything. That was the point I was making, and the reason Christ said that if you love your children more than Him you are not worthy of Him.

... anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

His Word always has a wonderful way of cutting right to the heart of the matter. And it sounds like you are struggling with Him over this Sis.

Bonnie
Matthew 6:33 tells us, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness: and all these things shall be added unto you."

Psalm 37:4-5 says, "Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."

A few years ago, the Lord made it clear to me that I worshipped my children before him. I was horrified and said, "No, Lord," but He continued to press on my heart with it. When I tearfully realised it was true, and acknowledged it before God, I repented and purposefully gave them over to Him. I did that by writing it down, telling God that my children belong to Him, that I know He loves them more than I do, and that I trust Him completely with them.

My husband and I live our lives through the power of the Holy Spirit, and my children know where our help comes from (Psalm 121:1-2). I give myself to Him to continue changing me and showing forth His light. He said, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Matthew 5:16 When I fail, I ask God's forgiveness and theirs.

I know God's plans for my children are for good, and not for evil, to bring them to the end He has chosen for them, and we pray God's will in their lives, and that they walk every day pleasing in His sight. Because of Jesus Alone.

Blessed one
"Girl for God", I am not sure why, or where, you are getting that Hip Hop is a religion. It is not! Hip Hop has roots in Rhythm and Blues, as well as old spirituals. My daughter went to a Christian school, and had to research Hip Hop. I don't vividly remember all the details, but I remember checking her info afterwards, and finding her research to be for the most part accurate.

Hip Hop can become an idol. But so can anything. I listen to all kinds of music that has a Christian message. This includes Christian Hip hop, Gospel (contemporary and traditional), rock, worship, praise, all of it. My music collection has artists like Lecrae, Kirk Franklin, Fred Hammond, Martha Munizzi, Helen Baylor, Dottie peoples, T. D. Jakes, Brian Cage, Casting Crowns, DC Talk, Jars of Clay. I can go on for quite sometime.

Why? I used to run a youth ministry group of a non denominational Christian church. We had children who are white, black, Hispanic, Asian, and any variation thereof.

When we play Hip Hop music they have opportunity to hear God's Word set to the style of music they enjoy. Being Christian doesn't mean you have to sit around being bored, limiting all excitement. You still can, and should, go to parties. Jesus did, in fact, it was at a party He performed his first miracle. He turned water into wine, at His mother's request, at a wedding party. You should dance, watch movies, and all the rest of the things the secular world does. The content, not style of the activities is the difference.

Colin: News
New Zealand is the latest country to make smacking your own children illegal. It's already illegal in several European nations, and soon will be in yours too. The NZ Crimes Act has been amended to remove an exemption that used to permit parents to smack their children. The excuse put forward was that it was a loophole used by parents prosecuted for serious child abuse. So it is now illegal to discipline your child by physical punishment in New Zealand. When sensible parents protested, a vague clause was inserted that allows the investigating police officers to use their discretion in what constitutes genuine abuse.

I recall a New Zealand evangelist in 1990 warning that this was going to happen. It seemed a fanciful notion at the time, but he was quite right. The spirit of this world wants undisciplined rebellious children, who grow into sociopaths and psychopaths. The Bible tells us not to spare the rod, and to discipline our kids. Satan says, "No, that is child abuse!"

New Zealand is a western model laboratory of New World Order proponents. What they get away with there, will eventually be foisted on your nation too. Singapore is the eastern model guinea-pig. You have been warned.

Michael:
Here in California, we had a close call. Just a few weeks ago, they tried to ban spanking (as it is called here). It was defeated, but we expect it to get re-packaged and resubmitted again. Everyone should beware.

News Oct. 07:
UK Government rejects calls to ban smacking:
The UK's NSPCC and Royal College of Nursing called for a ban on smacking your children as discipline. The leader of one child rights group claimed it was a missed opportunity to ban "violence in the home", thus leaving children as the only Britons who can be legally hit.

For once, the Government actually listened to sensible people, and agreed with the majority of English parents, who want to be able to discipline their children. The move was rejected, a rare victory for common-sense.

Now have your say