Top Secret Memo From Satan's Desk

To:- All Denominational Operatives

Subject:- Ecumenical Workers Needed

Message:-

Well Done Team, I'm proud of you.

Because of your efforts, almost everybody believes Christianity is a religion. You have succeeded in promoting My Ecumenical Movement beyond our greatest expectations. Now we need more wolves in sheep's clothing to look after our converts.

Post recruiting adverts in all the usual places; Seminaries, Theological Schools, Religious Press, etc.

There's no need to be subtle about it anymore. We're in charge.

Appeal to their vanities, you know the sort of thing;

Want a Flashy Title? Choose your own fancy name; Father, Priest, Reverend, Teacher, Vicar, Guru, Bishop, Archbishop, Rabbi, Prelate, Curate. Take your pick. Even Pope will be available very soon, but I'm keeping that one for My Special Friend. The False Prophet

Do You Like Sinister Clothes? Pointed hats, black robes, gold brocade? We have hoods, habits and funny head-gear galore.

Good at Languages? Episcopal-speak, pious dialects, Latin an advantage, but must be fluent in Mumbo-Jumbo.

Do you love idols? Images, statues, ju-ju, candles, charms, beads, crosses, icons, skulls, relics, shrouds and medals? We've got cupboards full. Check with head-quarters in Rome.

Terms: Must be adaptable, tolerant, wishy-washy and limp-wristed. Preference given to sodomites, paedophiles and perverts. We'll bail you out if you get caught. What's half a billion dollars to me?

Free Accommodation: (centrally heated for eternity.)

Women: Not welcome: Unless your name is Mary or Fatima... (in which case we'll idolize you).

Doctrine: Irrelevant. Just make it up as you go along. Most of these idiots don't even bother checking with That Book.

Salary: Name Your Price. We're Loaded.

Statement of Faith: John 14:6; Acts 4:12 and Ephesians 2:8-9 are heresy. The Bible is just a book written by men. Jesus was a good man who died for us all, so everyone is going to Heaven. The Pope is your Holy Father, and I'm his.

OK Team, get on with it. And keep this memo secret.

Satan 666

PS. Special Bonus: For every sucker you deceive before the rapture, I'll give you a free ticket to see my movie: The Passion of Christ, and an extra city in Heaven to rule over. You know you can trust me.