Overcoming Grief

© 08 Born-Again-Christian.info

Can't stop grieving

Q: I am a born again, Spirit filled Christian, but I am having a great deal of trouble getting over the death of my husband. It has been eleven months, and I have such terrible days still, just feeling so hopeless and lost. I pray in the Spirit and seek God, but I seem to not be able to stir up my joy anymore. Can you please give me some advice as I feel like my three beautiful children have not only lost their Daddy, but also their joy-filled Mom. Debbie

A: It is familiar territory for countless Christians down the ages, and around the world today. You are not alone Debbie, and I'm sure you are doing a great job. If you could just click your fingers, and continue as though the death of your husband was of no effect, it would prove you didn't love him. The fact that you cannot do so, shows your love is real, and it will never fail. Take heart from that; Father does.

I agree with you, that after eleven months grieving, you ought to be making more progress, and developing as a mature Christian through the experience. That is God's plan.

Some thoughts come to mind; please decide if they are appropriate to you.

I don't know the circumstances of your loss. If he was saved, he's in Heaven (2 Co. 5:8 KJV), if he was not saved, he's eternally lost (Jn. 3:18) and nobody can do a thing about it. (Rev. 21:8) Accept those Gospel facts.

If you bear any perceived "guilt" for the death, confess it to Father, receive His forgiveness, and know your guilt has gone. Don't fall into the snare of asking forgiveness over and over for the same sin.

Put the past behind you. By that I mean, focus on your future in Christ, think about that, not what might have been. This takes an effort of your soul, (your mind and will) to fix your thoughts on Jesus and His Plan for your life. If you've fallen into a rut of mawkish meditation, it can seem difficult to break out of, but it is easier than you think with God on your side, and by staying filled with His Life.

Contrast these two examples:

An evangelist in S.E. Asia was being used by God in the greatest revival his nation had ever experienced. Miracles, signs and wonders abounded, yet in the midst of it, his own baby tragically died. The evangelist blamed God, became bitter, and that was the end of his ministry. Full stop!

Another young evangelist in Asia, also with a miracle ministry, lost his firstborn son on the mission field. It was a staggering blow, but instead of blaming God for "allowing it to happen", he grew stronger and more determined to glorify Jesus despite it. His ministry flourished; he's since brought literally millions to Christ, and you know his name.

Who made the best choice?

Believe that God is working for your good in this situation. What has happened may not have been His best plan, but it has happened, and He is pointing you to His Way of using it to lift and bless you. (Ro. 8:28, 1 Pe. 1:6)

Father is depending upon you Debbie, trusting that you will choose to follow the Spirit, and not your flesh.

Despair and hopelessness are soulish and fleshly: Divine joy and hope are from the Lord. Please God, not your flesh. (Ro. 8:5-11, Gal. 5:22)

If your joy and happiness depended upon your late husband, it was precarious, fickle, and not the joy of the Lord (Neh. 8:10). The joy of the Lord is deep in the heart and has never left you, you've let it be smothered by the things of this world. Divine joy will carry you through all trouble, torment, and trials, with you rejoicing from the rooftops. That is what joy unspeakable and full of glory is for. (1 Pe. 1:8)

Look at the precedents in Paul's life. Can't you see the beaming smile on his face as he wrote Philippians amidst the stench, shackles, and squalor of his jail. It wasn't forced, it came bubbling from his heart. You can do that too.

Follow the example of Smith Wigglesworth, who's young wife, Mary Jane "Polly" Wigglesworth, dropped dead on their mission doorstep after proclaiming Christ. She had been his encourager, the main preacher before Smith was Spirit-filled, and brought him back to Christ when he backslid.

Smith had a dead wife; a business, a house full of children, and a ministry to run... alone.

The poor man was in such agony of spirit he lay on her grave and asked the Lord to take him home.

Some of you will understand that kind of pain. But instead of giving in to his flesh, Smith followed the Spirit, and set an example to his children, and us. He challenged them to stop grieving, and believe God's word despite their tears. Pointing to her dead body laid out in the living room he beamed to his offspring,

"Now then, where is she?"

He longed for her through the years, and never re-married. I imagine him after a days preaching and healing the sick, aching with loneliness, but being spurred on by thoughts of his beloved Polly in the Arms of Jesus, both cheering and rejoicing over him, and his dauntless faith.

"Look Lord, that's my Smith!" cried Polly in her broad northern accent.

"Yes Daughter, but he was mine first. C'mon Smith my son we've got more work to do before you come home."

Then, of course, Christ set the greatest example for us.

Don't tell me He wasn't cut to the heart when He got news His cousin, John the Baptist, had been butchered.

This was the greatest man born of woman (Lk. 7:28), cut down by an antiChrist at the behest of a salacious tart, because of his faithfulness to the LORD (Mk. 6:14-29).

It was, on every level, a devastating blow to Christ, but what was His response? Weeping and grieving in self-pity, questioning endlessly "Why Lord?"; not a bit of it. He was up and out the next day healing, lifting, and blessing repentant sinners, despite His bruised heart, obeying His Father, and defeating the Devil's plan by living faith in God's Word.

You can do the same as Jesus. It is what He wants you to do. (Jn. 14:12, 20:21)

One final thought may help you. Grieving is essentially selfish, we mourn because we will miss the loved one. If you see it as a form of self-pity, it's easier to stop it.

You'll find a similar question answered here: Why tragedies happen.