7 Foundations for a Happy Marriage
Colin Melbourne
© 06-08 Born-Again-Christian.info
According to figures for 2004, issued by the UK Office of Statistics, fifty percent of marriages end in divorce.
Lovely Wedding: Shame about the Marriage
Marriage is God's idea, He planned it from the beginning. But since The Fall into sin, marriage has come under attack from the Devil and his evil spirits.
Here are seven foundations that will ensure a Christian marriage will be successful and pleasing to God.
It is for Life
Don't even think about getting married to anyone if you accept divorce as an option. If you enter marriage with the attitude,
"Well, if it doesn't work out, I'll find another one."
You will surely fail, and continue to fail.
God shows us His plan for marriage from Genesis to Revelation typified by Christ and the Church, the Body of believers. Till death do us part. For better or worse. Make that commitment, and stick to it whatever the cost.
Marriage Vows
Traditional marriage vows are impossible to keep, and making them is a snare that immediately puts the couple into spiritual bondage.
Anyone with integrity will admit they are broken within days, bringing condemnation and guilt on the marriage.
Think carefully about the solemn words you covenant to keep. Remember, you are doing this before God, and He will hold you to your words. So only declare that which you can realistically keep. Discard the sentimental twaddle.
There are no marriage vows in the Bible. Marriage is difficult enough without the extra burden of broken vows.
If you have already made such vows, simply repent together, ask God's forgiveness for being so trite, and ask Him to release you both from them.
God's Love
Love one another as God loves you. Learn what God's love for you is like and reflect it to your spouse. It has nothing to do with romance. It has everything to do with commitment and unselfishness.
Romance is by definition, self-delusion, and utterly selfish. If you want romance in your marriage, grow up, and discover what love is. Love is eternal, and comes from God. Romance is transitory, and comes from the flesh. Love never fails: Romance is doomed.
Tolerance
A huge part of love is overlooking faults. Think how God saw, and still sees, beyond your shortcomings. While you were a sinner, a God-hater, He loved you, and laid down His Life for you. Ro. 5:8.
Since you came to know Him, has He stopped being so tolerant with you? Of course not, so be like your Father. Even when your partner isn't tolerant, patient or kind, you must be, because your Lord is.
Don't embarrass your pastor, you'll find most of those tricky questions you have answered here.
Communicate in love and respect
Recall how Father speaks to you, how He talks at your level, always respects your view, and your right to choose. It is truly staggering that He gives us so much respect and leeway. He wants it this way. Our co-operation must be from love, not from threats, otherwise it is not love, and not pleasing to Him.
It's the same way for marriage. If the bully gets his way, it doesn't give a fraction of the pleasure of agreement that comes from love.
Similarly, if the manipulator charms him to do what she wants, she loses respect because she's deceived him. When she knows he's submitted from genuine love, only then will she experience real satisfaction.
Grow in Christ together
Fellowship, worship, pray, and evangelise together. Share the good things, the burdens, and encourage each other as Christ teaches you.
Build each other up, never gossip, never demean your spouse, bless and protect one another. Especially when they are missing the mark, and are vulnerable.
Don't let the sun go down without making-up.
Children
The second reason God prefers us to remain single (1 Co. Ch. 7) is to avoid the burden of children. Nobody who takes Christ's Great Commission seriously makes plans for a spouse and kids. 1 Co. 7:28-5. Especially in these Final Days.
If however, you already have children; raise them in the training and instruction of the Lord, remembering that they are sinners until, of their own free will, they choose to be born again.
Avoid indoctrinating them, give them space to grow, and show them your sincere love for Christ. Discipline them firmly when they need it, and don't spoil them. Lead them in love, by example, not bullying. Eph. 6:4.
Submission
Man and wife are to submit to each another. Eph. 5:21. That means give way in the Lord.
Where there's disagreement, God's order if for the Christian husband to be the head of the wife in the home. (Of course, if the husband is unsaved, the wife is the head in the home in spiritual matters.)
Husbands must treat their wives as Christ treats the Church. 1 Pe. 3:7, Col. 3:18-19. When your spouse is disobeying the Lord, you obey Him all the more, and He will deal with your spouse.
