C.H. Spurgeon's Biography

Charles Spurgeon 1834-92
Victorian England's great Baptist Evangelist

Edited by Colin Melbourne from a chapter of Spurgeon's autobiography - The Great Change: Conversion
© 03-08 Born-Again-Christian.Info
Read Part 1

Look unto Me, and be ye Saved, all the ends of the earth; for I am God, and there is none else. Holy Bible, Isaiah 45:22 KJV

I am Forgiven!

I do from my soul confess that I was never satisfied till I came to Christ, when I was still a child I had far more wretchedness than ever I have now. I would even say more weariness, more care, more heartache than I know at this day. I may be exceptional in this confession, but I make it, and know it to be the truth. Since that dear hour when my soul cast itself on Jesus, I have found solid joy and peace, but before that, all those supposed gaieties of early youth, all the imagined ease and joy of boyhood, were but vanity and vexation of spirit to me.

That happy day, when I found the Saviour, and learned to cling to His dear feet, was a day never to be forgotten by me. An obscure child, unknown, unheard of, I listened to the Word of God, and that precious text led me to the cross of Christ.

I can testify that the joy of that day was utterly indescribable. I could have leaped, I could have danced, there was no expression, however fanatical, which would have been out of keeping with the joy of my spirit at that hour. Many days of Christian experience have passed since then, but there has never been one that has had the full exhilaration, the sparkling delight which that first day had. I thought I could have sprung from the seat on which I sat, and have called out with the wildest of those Methodist brethren who were present, "I am forgiven! I am forgiven! A monument of grace! A sinner saved by Blood! My spirit saw its chains broken to pieces, I felt that I was an emancipated soul, an heir of Heaven, a forgiven one, accepted in Christ Jesus, plucked out of the miry clay, and out of the horrible pit, with my feet set upon a rock, and my goings established. I thought I could dance all the way home. I could understand what John Bunyan meant, when he declared he wanted to tell the crows on the ploughed land all about his conversion. He felt he must tell somebody.

None More Joyous

The clock of mercy struck in Heaven the hour and moment of my emancipation, for the time had come. Between half-past ten o'clock, when I entered that chapel, and half-past twelve o'clock, when I was back again at home, what a change had taken place in me! I had passed from darkness into marvellous light, from death to life. Simply by looking to Jesus, I had been delivered from despair, and I was brought into such a joyous state of mind that, when they saw me at home, they said to me, "Something wonderful has happened to you;" and I was eager to tell them all about it. Oh! There was joy in the household that day, when all heard that the eldest son had found the Saviour, and knew himself to be forgiven, bliss compared with which all Earth's joys are less than nothing and vanity. Yes, I had looked to Jesus as I was, and found in Him my Saviour. Thus had the eternal purpose of Jehovah decreed it, and as, the moment before, there was none more wretched than I was, so, within that second, there was none more joyous. It took no longer time than does the lightning-flash; it was done, and never has it been undone.

The Great Substitute

I looked, and lived, and jumped in joyful liberty as I beheld my sin punished upon The Great Substitute, and put away forever. I looked unto Him, as He bled upon that tree; His eyes darted a glance of love unutterable into my spirit, and in a moment, I was saved. Looking unto Him, the bruises that my soul had suffered were healed, the gaping wounds were cured, the broken bones rejoiced, the rags that had covered me were all removed, my spirit was white as the spotless snows of the far-off North; I had melody within my spirit, for I was saved, washed, cleansed, forgiven, through Him that did hang upon the tree.

My Saviour and My God

He said, "Come," and I flew to Him, and clasped Him; and when He let me go again, I wondered where my burden was. It was gone! There, in the sepulchre, it lay, and I felt light as air, I could fly over mountains of trouble and despair, and oh! What liberty and joy I had! I could leap with ecstasy, for I had much forgiven, and I was freed from sin. I, a lad, found the Lord of glory, I, a slave to sin, found The Great Deliverer, I, the child of darkness, found the Light of Life, I, the uttermost of the lost, found my Saviour and my God. Oh, how I wondered that I should be pardoned! It was not the pardon that I wondered at so much; the wonder was that it should come to me. I marvelled that He should be able to pardon such sins as mine, such crimes, so numerous and so black; and that, after such an accusing conscience, He should have power to still every wave within my spirit, and make my soul like the surface of a river, undisturbed, quiet, and at ease. It mattered not to me whether the day itself was gloomy or bright; I had found Christ, that was enough for me. He was my Saviour, He was my all, and I can heartily say, that one day of pardoned sin was a sufficient recompense for the whole five years of conviction.

I have to bless God for every terror that ever scared me by night, and for every foreboding that alarmed me by day. It has made me happier ever since, for now, if there be a trouble weighing upon my soul, I thank God it is not such a burden as that which bowed me and made me creep upon the ground, like a beast, by reason of heavy distress and affliction. I know I never can again suffer what I have suffered, I never can, except I be sent to Hell, know more of agony than I have known, and now, that ease, that joy and peace in believing, that "no condemnation" which belongs to me as a child of God, is made doubly sweet and inexpressibly precious, by the recollection of my past days of sorrow and grief. Blessed be God forever, who by those black days, like a dreary winter, has made these summer days all the fairer and the sweeter! I need not walk through the Earth fearful of every shadow, and afraid of every man I meet, for sin is washed away, my spirit is no more guilty, it is pure, it is holy. The frown of God no longer rests upon me, but my Father smiles, I see His eyes, they are glancing love, I hear His voice, and it is full of sweetness. I am forgiven, I am forgiven, I am forgiven!

The Two Witnesses

When I look back upon it, I can see one reason why the Word was blessed to me as I heard it preached in that Primitive Methodist Chapel at Colchester. I had been crying to God for the blessing. As a lad, when I was seeking the Saviour, I used to rise with the sun, that I might get time to read gracious books, and to seek the Lord. I can recall the kind of pleas I used when I took my arguments, and came before the throne of grace:

"Lord, save me, it will glorify Your grace to save such a sinner as I am! Lord, save me, else I am lost to all eternity, do not let me perish, Lord! Save me, O Lord, for Jesus died! By His agony and bloody sweat, by His cross and passion, save me."

The Holy Spirit, who enabled me to believe, gave me peace through believing. I felt as sure that I was forgiven as before I felt sure of condemnation. I had been certain of my condemnation because the Word of God declared it, and my conscience bore witness to it, but when the Lord justified me, the same witnesses made me equally certain. The Word of the Lord in the Scripture saith, "He that believeth on Him is not condemned," and my conscience bore witness that I believed, and that God in pardoning me was just. Thus I had the witness of the Holy Spirit and also of my own conscience, and these two agreed in one.

How can a man know that he is pardoned? There is a text that says, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved." I believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, is it irrational to believe that I am saved? "He that believes on the Son has everlasting life," says Christ, in John's Gospel. I believe on Christ, am I absurd in believing that I have eternal life? I find the apostle Paul speaking by the Holy Ghost, and saying, "There is therefore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus. Being justified by faith, we have peace with God." If I know that my trust is fixed on Jesus only, and that I have faith in Him, were it not ten thousand times more absurd for me not to be at peace, than for me to be filled with joy unspeakable? It is but taking God at His Word, when the soul knows, as a necessary consequence of its faith that it is saved.

The Only Saviour I Want

I took Jesus as my Saviour, and I was saved, and I can tell the reason why I took Him for my Saviour. To my own humiliation, I must confess that I did it because I could not help it; I was shut up to it. That stern Law-work had hammered me into such a condition that, if there had been fifty other saviours, I could not have thought of them, I was driven to this One. I wanted a Divine Saviour; I wanted One who was made a curse for me, to expiate my guilt. I wanted One who had died, for I deserved to die. I wanted One who had risen again, who was able by His life to make me live. I wanted the exact Saviour that stood before me in the Word, revealed to my heart, and I could not help having Him. Oh, how I loved Him! Passing all loves except His own was that love which I felt for Him then. If, beside the door of the place in which I met with Him, there had been a stake of blazing faggots, I would have stood upon them without chains, glad to give my flesh, and blood, and bones, to be ashes that should testify my love to Him. Had He asked me then to give all my substance to the poor, I would have given all, and thought myself to be amazingly rich in having beggared myself for His name's sake. Had He commanded me then to preach in the midst of all His foes, I could have said,

'There's not a lamb in all Your flock
I would disdain to feed,
There's not a foe, before whose face
I'd fear Your cause to plead.'

Perfectly Justified By Faith in Christ Jesus

Has Jesus saved me? I dare not speak with any hesitation here; I know He has. His Word is true, therefore I am saved. My evidence that I am saved does not lie in the fact that I preach, or that I do this or that. All my hope lies in this: that Jesus Christ came to save sinners. I am a sinner, I trust Him, then He came, to save me, and I am saved, I live habitually in the enjoyment of this blessed fact, and it is long since I have doubted the truth of it, for I have His own Word to sustain my faith. It is a very surprising thing, a thing to be marvelled at most of all by those who enjoy it. I know that it is to me even to this day the greatest wonder that I ever heard of, that God should ever justify me. I feel myself to be a lump of unworthiness, a mass of corruption, and a heap of sin apart from His Almighty Love, yet I know, by a full assurance, that I am justified by faith which is in Christ Jesus, and treated as if I had been perfectly just, and made an heir of God and a joint-heir with Christ, though by nature I must take my place among the most sinful. I, who am altogether undeserving, am treated as if I had been deserving. I am loved with as much love as if I had always been godly, whereas before I was ungodly.

Gospel Facts

The sum and substance of the Gospel lies in that word Substitution, Christ standing in the stead of man. If I understand the Gospel, it is this:

I deserve to be lost forever; the only reason why I should not be damned is, that Christ was punished in my stead, and there is no need to execute a sentence twice for sin. On the other hand, I know I cannot enter Heaven unless I have a perfect righteousness, I am absolutely certain I shall never have one of my own, for I find I sin every day, but then Christ had a perfect righteousness, and He said,

"There, poor sinner, take My garment, and put it on, you shall stand before God as if you were Christ, and I will stand before God as if I had been the sinner; I will suffer in the sinner's stead, and you shall be rewarded for works which you did not do, but which I did for you."

By looking to Him, I received all the faith that inspired me with confidence in His grace; and the word that first drew my soul, "Look unto Me," still rings its clarion note in my ears. There I once found conversion, and there I shall ever find refreshing and renewal.

Gospel Results

Let me bear personal testimony of what I have seen, what my own ears have heard, and my own heart has tasted. First, Christ is the only begotten of the Father. He is Divine to me, if He be human to all the rest of the world. He has done for me which none but God could do. He has subdued my stubborn will, melted my heart, broken a chain of steel, opened the gates of brass, and snapped the bars of iron. He has turned my mourning into laughter, and my desolation into joy; He has led my captivity captive, and made my heart rejoice with joy unspeakable, and full of glory. Let others think as they will of Him, to me He must ever be the only begotten of the Father. Blessed be His holy name!

'Oh, that I could now adore Him,
Like the Heavenly host above,
Who for ever bow before Him,
And unceasing sing His love!
Happy songsters!
When shall I your chorus join?'

Again, I bear testimony that He is full of grace. Ah, had He not been, I should never have beheld His glory. I was full of sin to overflowing. I was condemned already, because I believed not upon Him. He drew me when I did not want to come, and though I struggled hard, He continued still to draw, and when at last I came to His mercy-seat, all trembling like a condemned culprit, He said, "Your sins, which are many, are all forgiven you, be of good cheer." Let others despise Him; but I bear witness that He is full of grace.

Finally, I bear witness that He is full of truth. True have His promises been, not one has failed. I have often doubted Him, for that I blush. He has never failed me, in this I must rejoice. His promises have been yes and amen. I do but speak the testimony of every believer in Christ, though I put it thus personally to make it the more forcible.

I bear witness that no servant had such a Master as I have, no brother had such a Kinsman as He has been to me, no spouse had such a Husband as Christ has been to my soul, no sinner a better Saviour, no soldier a better Captain, no mourner a better Comforter than Christ has been to my spirit. I want none beside Him.

In life, He is my life, and in death, He shall be the death of death, in poverty, Christ is my riches, in sickness, He makes my bed, in darkness, He is my Star, and in brightness, He is my Sun. By faith I understand that the blessed Son of God redeemed my soul with His own Heart's Blood, and by sweet experience I know that He raised me up from the pit of dark despair, and set my feet on The Rock. He died for me. This is the root of every satisfaction I have. He put all my transgressions away. He cleansed me with His precious blood. He covered me with His perfect righteousness. He wrapped me up in His own virtues. He has promised to keep me, while I abide in this world, from its temptations and snares, and when I depart from this world, He has already prepared for me a mansion in Heaven of unfading bliss, and a crown of everlasting joy that shall never, never fade away.

To me the days or years of my mortal sojourn on this Earth are of little moment. Nor is the manner of my decease of much consequence. Should enemies sentence me to martyrdom, or physicians declare that I must soon depart this life, it is all alike,

'A few more rolling suns at most
Shall land me on fair Canaan's coast.'

Conclusion

What more can I wish than that, while my brief term on Earth shall last, I should be the servant of Him who became the Servant of servants for me? I can say, concerning Christ, if I had to die like a dog, and had no hope whatever of immortality, if I wanted to lead a happy life, let me serve my God with all my heart, let me be a follower of Jesus, and walk in His footsteps. If there were no hereafter, I would still prefer to be a Christian, and the humblest Christian minister, to being a king or an emperor, for I am persuaded there are more delights in Christ, yes, more joy in one glimpse of His face than is to be found in all the praises of this harlot-world, and in all the delights which it can yield to us in its sunniest and brightest days. And I am persuaded that what He has been till now, He will be to the end, and where He has begun a good work, He will carry it on.

I have seen hundreds and thousands, who have given their hearts to Jesus, but I never did see one who said he was disappointed with Him, I never met with one who said Jesus Christ was less than He was declared to be. When first my eyes beheld Him, when the burden slipped from off my heavy-laden shoulders, and I was free from condemnation, I thought that all the preachers I had ever heard had not half preached, they had not told half the beauty of my Lord and Master. So good! So generous! So gracious! So willing to forgive! It seemed to me as if they had almost slandered Him; they painted His likeness, doubtless, as well as they could, but it was a mere smudge compared with the matchless beauties of His face. All who have ever seen Him will say the same. I go back to my home, many a time, mourning that I cannot preach my Master even as I myself know Him, and what I know of Him is very little compared with the matchlessness of His grace. Would that I knew more of Him, and that I could tell it out better!

Charles Spurgeon 1834-92